When I first arrived in Pattaya I was a backpacker setting out on my journey of a lifetime. When I left Pattaya I was a failed backpacker, I was broke, in love, optimistic and hopeful, with a grand plan to return to my newly-found promised land. And that was the second and last time I would use my backpack.
A heck of a lot happened between arriving and departing on that first trip to Pattaya, but for this post I just want to talk about the titillation, beauty, vulgarity, gentleness, callousness, sincerity and insincerity which combine to give a unique kind of culture shock, the Pattaya culture shock.
This Pattaya culture shock thing is going to grab you by the scruff of the neck, tear off your clothes, slam dunk you into a vat of ice water, then send hurtling you onto a roller-coaster ride through the depths of hell.
Okay Okay, I’m exaggerating, you’re not going to be picked up by the scruff of the neck or any of that other stuff (unless you specifically ask for it, at extra cost), but I’m trying to make a point. It was a long time ago, but you know I never forget, because every day I’m reminded, every day Pattaya shows me something, or something happens which by comparison in the UK would be thought of as a circus act, sheer stupidity, brilliance, unconventional, something which would be totally unimaginable.
Pattaya is Like Nowhere Else
Pattaya is strikingly different to where most people come from, and to most other places in Thailand, aside from certain tourist hotspots in Bangkok, Phuket, Koh Samui and 1 or 2 other destinations.
Pattaya is a city of neon lights, shocking sights, erotic delights, strange culinary bites, and men wearing skirts by day and night.
It’s a brave new world, are you ready for it?. The photo above was taken at the World’s Longest Kiss competition, a regular in Pattaya. Open to men and women, men and men, women and women.
Pattaya Bar Girl Shock
One of the first sights to shock me in Pattaya was the sheer number of girls working in the beer bars. Shock number 2 was discovering the vast majority of the girls working in Pattaya bars are ladies of the night (sex workers), aka Bar Girls. Shock number 3, most girls in Pattaya called me “sexy man,” admittedly only as I walked past beer bars. Nonetheless, those few first times I was so disbelieving that I spent some time looking around to see the sexy man they were trying to gain the attention of.
Pattaya Ladyboy Shock
Possibly the most shocking revelation most men have thrust upon them in Pattaya is that they just unwittingly gave a man the once over, even caught his eye, maybe even gave him a wink. Unfortunately for some (myself not included) the deception of the Pattaya ladyboys goes much further than a wink and a nod, and how to spot a lady-boy is a lesson learnrd promptly thereafter.
I dare say for many it’s a shocking little secret they will take to the grave with them. I must admit, a ladyboy did once make me turn my head in disbelief, I mean come on, how many times do you see a man dressed as a woman, riding a motorbike, with his large silicone breast implants exposed?
Let’s quickly throw in something shocking about massge: Regardless of what goes on in there (see photo above), it’s bold, almost shocking advertising. Maybe a sign of things to come.
Shocking Agogo in Pattaya
I’ve already been to a go-go bar, I’m starting to believe I really am a sexy man, but I’m also aware that in Pattaya, sexy women might very well be men, it’s sinking in fast, nothing in Pattaya can shock me any more.
A gogo bar was a little different to the first one I visited, they had a show. She leaped into the air and scissored her legs apart and met the stage on her pubis, ouch, that really must hurt, but it never, she rose to her knees and deposited a hard boiled egg. If you’re having trouble imagining where she deposited the egg from, let me just re-phrase it “she laid a hard boiled egg.” The shell was cracked, she removed the shell and fed it to a shell-shocked patron seated next to the stage.
Pattaya Live Sex Show Shock
Live sex, no big deal, I wouldn’t have it any other way, but what about going down to your local pub, and there in broad publight there is a lesbian sex show under way. Totally unthinkable and totally shocking and uncultured. Sometimes I lose my way, and miss the bloody show.
Not to mention the names of some bars in Pattaya. You can’t without offending someone.
Shocking Week in Pattaya.
It’s the sort of place you stay a week before remembering to phone home. And of course the inevitable questions are asked, how is Pattaya?, what have you been doing?, have you been having fun? It all comes racing back to you, you break into a sweat, feelings of guilt, shame, remorse and pleasure overcome all at the same time as you recall your shocking week in Pattaya.
Images of yourself and your ladyboy friend being invited to indulge in the live sex show, of you eating the freshly laid egg, taking your clothes off and swinging on the chrome pole. Waking up on the beach at dawn, still naked and surrounded by a crowd of curious passersby who are no longer passing by.
“How is Pattaya?” you snap out of your dream and reply “it’s ok, nothing special”
If you were to ask me if anything like the above has happened to me during my time in Pattaya, I would forthrightly and completely deny it. Yes I’ve seen the shows, woken in a bar minus my money, been hassled by ladyboys, nearly been mugged, eaten a few bugs, and been insulted by foreign thugs.
Expect to be shocked when you visit Pattaya
Even if you are on a family vacation in Pattaya, deliberately avoiding the nightlife and places you believe only Pattaya’s sex tourists roam , prepare yourself for the “Pattaya culture shock”. You may have to explain to your youngsters why 2 men are kissing on the beach, you could be brazenly propositioned by lady-boys whilst taking an early morning stroll down Pattaya Beach Road. Flaunt your gold or carry your handbag you could make yourself a target for a snatch and ride, read about it on this article about staying safe in Pattaya.
So be prepared when you visit Pattaya, be prepared to be shocked, and when it’s not shocking any more, you’ve probably been in Pattaya too long.